Things I NEVER Thought I'd Say...Then I Had Children!

Before I had children, I assumed there would be the everyday sort of sayings.
"Eat all your vegetables before dessert."  
"No hitting."
"Of course I love you."
And the one every parent can't wait to say simply because they heard their own parents say it, "Because I said so."


Then there are the things I never thought I would ever...I mean EVER say, but alas over the years, I have had to say some very odd things.  Why?  Because I actually had children.

1. Stop licking the window.  That doesn't mean you can lick the walls or the floor either.
2. No, we do not flush our Star Wars light sabers down the toilet.
3. Please get your toe out of your nose.
4. You are not 99 so please stop whining about being old.  You are only 5.
5. No, you can not give the fish a bath with your bubbles.  Wait!  Did you put the bubbles in the fish tank?!
6. Please take the millipede out of your mouth.
7. Please take the beetle out of your mouth.
8. Why would you want your head to get stuck, AGAIN?
9. It is just a song, so no, we can't have a hippo.  No, we can't have a whale either.
10. Did you just put a hole in the wall?  Why would you want to see what is on the inside of the wall?
11. We don't ride dogs like horses.  Get off the dog.
12. Get your finger out of your brother's nose.
13. Get your foot out of your brother's mouth.
14. Please take the leaves out of your mouth.  We don't eat leaves off the trees.
15. Please stop eating rocks.
16. Who painted the floor with fingernail polish?!  I don't care if you wanted the white carpet to be pink.
17. We don't draw on the TV or windows.  If you want to see ______ then put the movie in the player...don't draw _______ on the TV.  As for the windows, I can't change what the view looks like outside...sorry.
18. The closet shelves are not rock climbing walls.
19. Please take the underwear off your head.  It is not a mask.
20. No, I don't want to smell your "fart"
21. No, you can not body slam your sister.
22. Did you just drop a treasure chest on her head?
23. Why on Earth would you want to do that?  No, I never told you not to, but I didn't think it was necessary to do so.  
24. No, we are not going to chase the turkey so we can cut its head off and pluck its feathers.  We can buy a turkey at the store if you want to cook a turkey.
25. Please stop throwing yourself onto the floor.
26. Just because a dog does it, does not mean we do it!

And my personal favorite...No we can not keep the dead mole as a pet.

Sometimes I Forget

The kids were acting...well, like kids.  I had a headache, was on the phone, my husband was trying to tell me something, and I was trying to cook dinner all at the same time.  I got off the phone as quickly as I could and glared at my husband and children.  Instead of taking a moment to gather myself and breathe, I took my frustrations out on them.  Zach responded with, "We were just playing.  We're kids."  In my anger, I yelled, "Grow up!"  They stopped in their tracks and looked at me with hurt expressions.    I immediately regretted the words and wished I could take them back.

Zach had said it perfectly.  They are just kids!  I forget that sometimes.  I think all parents do at some point or another.  It is important, however, to remember they are just kids.  Like most mothers, I want to keep them little and innocent for as long as I can...and yet here I was yelling for them to grow up.  Tisk, Tisk.  What was I thinking?

Caitlin asks many questions ABOUT EVERYTHING :) and can't sit still during a movie.  I don't think even a seat belt would keep her in her seat if furniture came with one.  Zach likes to eavesdrop and pretend he is constantly making movies (think Transformers or any robot fighting type of movie).  Expect to hear giggles and BOOM sounds or noises radiate from their rooms at any given point during the day.  

Then, there are the moments when they have very rational conversations, behave like perfect angels (which they do more often than not), and sit quietly while reading encyclopedias.  It is at times like these that I sometimes forget he is only eight and she is only five.   I have to remind myself.  

After they have long fallen asleep, I find myself watching them from the doorway or sitting on the edge of the bed listening to them breathe and watching them deep within their slumber.  They look so young, peaceful, and small.  I see just how little they really are.  They are far from being babies, but even further from being adults.  

I can't expect them to know everything, so she needs to ask questions to learn.  I certainly can't expect a five year old girl to sit through historical films.  I can't expect an eight year old boy NOT to be curious or want to make crashing sounds and fighting scenes when all he wants to do is be a film director...well, when he doesn't want to be a paleontologist (by the way, he could spell that at age 4).    

I want them to grow up, but not yet.  I just need to remember because sometimes I forget.