Monday, December 19, 2011

Things I NEVER Thought I'd Say...Then I Had Children!

Before I had children, I assumed there would be the everyday sort of sayings.
"Eat all your vegetables before dessert."  
"No hitting."
"Of course I love you."
And the one every parent can't wait to say simply because they heard their own parents say it, "Because I said so."

Then there are the things I never thought I would ever...I mean EVER say, but alas over the years, I have had to say some very odd things.  Why?  Because I actually had children.

  1. Stop licking the window.  That doesn't mean you can lick the walls or the floor either.
  2. No, we do not flush our Star Wars light sabers down the toilet.
  3. Please get your toe out of your nose.
  4. You are not 99 so please stop whining about being old.  You are only 5.
  5. No, you can not give the fish a bath with your bubbles.  Wait!  Did you put the bubbles in the fish tank?!
  6. Please take the millipede out of your mouth.
  7. Please take the beetle out of your mouth.
  8. Why would you want your head to get stuck, AGAIN?
  9. It is just a song, so no, we can't have a hippo.  No, we can't have a whale either.
  10. Did you just put a hole in the wall?  Why would you want to see what is on the inside of the wall?
  11. We don't ride dogs like horses.  Get off the dog.
  12. Get your finger out of your brother's nose.
  13. Get your foot out of your brother's mouth.
  14. Please take the leaves out of your mouth.  We don't eat leaves off the trees.
  15. Please stop eating rocks.
  16. Who painted the floor with fingernail polish?!  I don't care if you wanted the white carpet to be pink.
  17. We don't draw on the TV or windows.  If you want to see ______ then put the movie in the player...don't draw _______ on the TV.  As for the windows, I can't change what the view looks like outside...sorry.
  18. The closet shelves are not rock climbing walls.
  19. Please take the underwear off your head.  It is not a mask.
  20. No, I don't want to smell your "fart"
  21. No, you can not body slam your sister.
  22. Did you just drop a treasure chest on her head?
  23. Why on Earth would you want to do that?  No, I never told you not to, but I didn't think it was necessary to do so.  
  24. No, we are not going to chase the turkey so we can cut its head off and pluck its feathers.  We can buy a turkey at the store if you want to cook a turkey.
  25. Please stop throwing yourself onto the floor.
  26. Just because a dog does it, does not mean we do it!
And my personal favorite...No we can not keep the dead mole as a pet.


  1. Laughing so hard, that tears are coming to my eyes. Thanks for sharing!

  2. Aah, I often stop in wonder at the odd things I say every day. A recent one..."You can't go to ballet when you're seeing crocodiles..."

    Don't ask...

  3. These are cute and I've used a few of them myself.....and probably many many more....right now can't my kids are in their 40' that's been a longggggggggggggggg time LOL.....