Have you ever had a nagging thought or idea that just wouldn't make sense if you tried it, but you couldn't get the idea or thought to go away? Lately I've had a couple of those or should I say three or four or maybe even more...
I don't understand it nor can I explain it, but as of late, I keep envisioning myself somewhere in the middle of nowhere with fields of crops and cattle. My husband in the distance on a tractor. I, hanging clothes on a clothesline, watch as my children run through the yard chasing chickens. Giggles and squeals spring forth from their innocent play. I can almost feel my dress swirl around me as the wind picks up, the windmill squeaking with each rotation.
As night falls, the bread baking on the hearth fills the room with the scent of comfort. Candles, made from the earlier harvest of beeswax, give an ambiance of simplicity when we gather all seven children around the table for dinner. Wait! What? Hold on a second!
1) What is up with the farm and hanging clothes on a clothesline? I thought I wanted to get away from all that when I left for college. Well, we didn't hang our clothes on a clothesline nor did we have cattle, but we did have fields of crops and tractors.
2) I don't think I will ever, EVER see my husband on an actual tractor anytime soon. He is from Charleston...need to say it right (roll that r)...Charrrrles-ton. The closest he ever came to a field was the small creek behind his neighborhood while looking for sharks' teeth. Ha! Gotta love him.
3) Chasing chickens? windmill? bread baking on a hearth? harvesting beeswax? SEVEN CHILDREN?
When on Earth did I make seven children? Last I counted I only had two!
For some reason or another...call it a calling or call it a 30s crisis...I keep dreaming of having a simpler lifestyle with more children at my feet. Part of me wants to scream out, "Are you crazy! That wouldn't be simple! That would be hard labor!"
Then I remind myself that I don't mean "simple" as easy. I mean simple as in less distraction from what is most important. I mean less technology buzzing in my ear. I can't tell you the last time I was able to sit down with my family to a meal without the phone ringing, the texts coming through, or the interruptions of fb alerts. Yes, yes, I can turn the phone off. I realize that, but it is so much easier to either have it on or not have it at all. Who can honestly say they have gone 1 entire week without the internet? I certainly can't.
I can say we don't watch TV much anymore. We do watch movies on weekends as a family but I don't think that counts as TV. Though, what I enjoy most is getting out of the house and doing something local, driving to the beach for the day, or take a trip to the mountains for hiking. I LOVE spending time with my husband and two children. It's the simple things that count.
So, where did these other five children come from? It could be an explanation of my enjoyment of a particular show featuring seven children (not sure of the legality on posting titles). It could be that I was technically an only child but with three step-brothers and three step-sisters none of whom I can truly say I know. (As disappointing as that is, I am glad that I do have them in my life.) I wish I could have been closer with my step-families. It could also be a jealousy factor. I watch so many siblings respond to each other in a way I will never be able. The love and bond they share is awe inspiring. I watch my own two children and how they play together. They are best friends. They can finish each other's sentences sometimes, and they can sympathize with how the other is feeling in order to know just how to soothe them. And lastly, it could simply be that I love the two I already have and why wouldn't I want more to love.
A thought to throw out there...After having my first, I didn't think I had any room left to love another child. I feared getting pregnant again. When surprise came my way and I was pregnant, I was even more surprised at how much love I had for my new daughter. It wasn't any less or any more than that I had for my son. It was as if my heart grew bigger to make room for her. Love doesn't divide. It multiplies.
Anyway, I never fully understood why my step-father would want to work so hard in the fields when he owned a Real Estate company among several other ventures. Now, as an adult, I can appreciate the hard work and effort put into his crops. It wasn't for the fun of it, that's for sure. It was for the love. It was for the love of doing what came naturally to him and gave him a sense of accomplishment; putting food on the table. That is something we just may find ourselves seeing eye-to-eye on. Finally!
So, I guess this all boils down to what? Well, while I may dream of having more children and working on a farm with a husband who doesn't know a thing about farming, it will be a good dream. Hopefully one day attainable, but for now, I guess I can settle for just a dream. A dream of simplicity.